Live to the point of tears
Trigger warning, bereavement.
My beloved dog Jasper has died and I am broken hearted. I’m wondering when will I able to say this / type this and not cry. Like so many of you, our pet was a family member, we loved him like we loved each other. When the children were small and he came into our lives I watched how they cared for him with such tenderness, compassion, selfless duty and unconditional love I knew for sure we were a strong loving family.
We all have losses in life, some worse than others. We all loose loved ones, many of us are pet owners and have to say goodbye to beloved pets multiple times in our lifetime. Sometimes the loss of a pet has a bigger impact on our day-to-day life than the loss of a loved one simply because our pets are so present in every aspect of life, you might be used to have your face licked as your morning alarm clock! Loosing a human, of course, is very different. Even if we are mentally prepared its very shocking, very scary, terrifying maybe. The emotional reaction reaches far beyond the grief, there are many implications including the impact on those around us. It’s huge. Too huge to process at times. We can build a shell around our tender hearts to protect us.
In loosing my doggie my shell smashed open and I bawled and bawled. Big fat tears, bubble snots coming out of my nose, a body wracked by heaving sobs. I cried all the unshed tears of my whole life.
As we learn in our practices together, it is suggested we lean into discomfort, be patient with it, be curious around it and support ourselves with wise actions as we process it. I have to admit, I am really getting into this! His lead is still at the door, his bowl is on the kitchen floor and his bed is still on our landing. People around me, friends and students, even strangers, are all so kind and so empathic as the tears flow. My nervous system has detected the release. The vagus nerve linking body and brain responds really well to strong physical stimulation including shaking. This breaking of the shell and shake-up to my body has had a direct impact on my nervous system overall, reflected in my heart rate variability which I track daily. I am healing.
We’ve always known this as humans, society might not like us crying but many of us know how to embrace it. You all know a good hugger in your life! Please join me in having a good bawl some time soon and know you are supported.
Weeping may be the closest experience human beings have to an actual experience of enlightenment because in weeping you have given up. You’ve broken down. Whatever control you wanted over the world has slipped out of your hands. You’re breaking open this controlled edge that you’ve had and so you’re actually becoming larger through the weeping. The emotion is a doorway to something much deeper. Camus, the French Philosopher had a great and loving quote, “Live to the point of tears”. David Pernell.