I'm homesick.

Homesick. What a clever word. Can you connect physically with that feeling when you think about it? An aching emptiness inside. A knot in your tummy. Eyes just on the brink of tears. A little wobble in your voice. 

We use it to help children articulate how they feel. It encompasses feeling displaced, lonely, fearful, missing your tribe. 

I had a long conversation with my youngest child recently, him in a room in Italy, me in a room in Switzerland. For once, the wifi was excellent on both ends and it sounded like he was right beside me. He suggested FaceTime and I balked, I’ve never done FaceTime and my face was ready for bed! When I told him this he laughed heartily and said, ‘you are always beautiful, Mum’. 

I told him I felt homesick. Despite my love of travel and adventure I have lonely, uncertain moments when I’m on the road. 

‘Me too’, he said. ‘I sometimes wake up and wish I was going home. But then, I just get ready and I forget about it and it just goes away all by itself.’ That was it! That was all I needed. I smiled through my tears and told him how wise he is and how I learn so much from him. 

We all have weak moments. We all have lonely, uncertain moments. The secret is to just keep going. Keep on swimming, Dory says. Step bravely forward into the unknown and enjoy the adventure. The homesickness will pass. 

After all, home is within. It’s not the bricks and mortar of your house. It’s not the company of your nearest and dearest. It’s finding the grounding within. Like a solid foundation within that fills the ache of emptiness and completes you, it’s knowing you are solid enough, strong enough, capable enough, to keep on going. 

After a great sleep, a long hot shower and a good feed I was ready to go again. Grounded and present, the loneliness melted away and a feeling of excitement was in it’s place. Adventure awaited and the words of my loved one warmed my heart and brightened my smile as I faced the new day, perfectly at home. 

Sylvia FergusonComment